A little while back, I described it to someone as a 'year of loss'. There have been a lot of changes this year and, while they have mostly been good changes, they have come first from a place of loss, as I guess, many changes do.
There have been many times this year when it's been far too easy to get stuck in my little self-pity pit. Well, honestly, sometimes, it's just been hard to see the way out.
But that's not how I want to finish my year.
There are 10 days left of 2012 and I hope they're good ones, but even if they're not, I want to remember the good things, of which there have also been many this year.
Here's a taster:
This is the year I've been able to write, actually able to get stuck into it. Able to clear my head enough to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. Having the chance to do something that I'm passionate about, that makes me feel alive, there is very little I wouldn't give up for that chance. I now have something that resembles a book. I'm not sure what I'll do with it or if other people will read it, but that's ok. There was joy in that writing, and that's enough.
Although some friends have gone away, there have been new ones who have brought laughs, fun, margaritas, encouragement, food (a lot of food), Desperate Housewives, flights in small planes and support. It's hard to believe that this time last year, I didn't really know some of the people who are some of my best friends now.
Who would have thought this would be the year I would discover a love of fishing? Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration after one fishing trip, but when the trip yields a hundred and thirty something fish, how can you not love it?
What a treat to have both mumsie and pops come out to visit this year. You have to love a trip to the zoo with the dad and a trek up Te Aroha with the mum. Highlights!
Queenstown twice in one year - that's a bit greedy isn't it? The year started with an epic 7s trip to Nationals and there was a little return trip in August for some snow banter! One of the best holidays I've been on - there was skiing, beautiful scenery, scary drives down mountains, cards, Olympics (weight lifting and diving became the new faves), games of sardines in the dark (seriously) and a few moments that will never be mentioned outside of Queenstown. Right S Club?
This was the year I went as far north and as far east as possible in New Zealand. Loved them both. I live in an amazing country! Next year - west and south?
I was going to say that watching the All Blacks play Ireland at the Waikato Stadium was a highlight, but it wasn't. Not even a little bit. You try being surrounded by hundreds of gloating Kiwis when you lose 60-0!
The new job all happened very suddenly. I definitely hadn't planned to move, but what a move it's been. For the first time since I can really remember, I'm actually enjoying being a physio and am motivated to learn and develop. For the first time, I can see a career in it. Good move, good move indeed.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had a crappy year, but when I look at what I've just written, I wonder where the crappiness has been. Not that those things take it away, but it's almost like, when you see the good things, recognise your blessings, their light shines a little brighter and blocks out a little more of the darkness.
I don't ever want to pretend that life is perfect, that I have no problems, that I feel like smiling all the time. That's not real, it's not honest and I want to be authentic.
Life may not always be good, but it is full of good things.
2013 may not have any less darkness, but I'm looking forward to seeing where the light is going to come from.
