What I have

I've spent a long time thinking about what I don't have. Thinking about the things that other people have. The things that I want. And it has made me miserable. It has made me jealous. It has made me bitter. It has made me insecure. And it has made me lonely. 

I think I got myself stuck in a pit. As I thought about the things I didn't have, I began to dig a 'Pity Me' Pit. 

When someone else got what I didn't have, 
      I would dig a little deeper. 
                   When I waited patiently for what I didn't have, 
                          I would dig as I waited. 
                                       When I came closer to what I didn't have, 
                                          only for it to disappear further out of reach, 
                                                I would put my energy into digging. 

Eventually, without noticing it, I had dug down to a dark place with high walls, that were too hard to climb, so I sat in the dark and stewed.

Where did that get me? 

Absolutely nowhere worth going.

I'm not sure what it was that turned me around. It wasn't a bolt of lightning, it wasn't a blinding light, it wasn't a slap around the face.

Yesterday was my birthday and that's what made me think about this change. I've had a few birthdays over the years and I can clearly remember days when I've thought - "I didn't get a birthday text from that person", "that person forgot", "I thought I would at least get a card from them". 

What a miserable way to think. 

Did I ever really think that line of thought got me anywhere? Anywhere other than the Pity Me Pit.

So yesterday, I looked at What I Have. And the conclusion I came to...

...flippin' heck, does my cup overflow?

I had breakfast and lunch bought for me. All day, I got texts and messages from people wishing me a good day. I worked all day in a job that I enjoy with better colleagues than I ever could have hoped for. I spent some time with some amazing people who have been creeping into my life and I think I haven't even noticed them till now, because I had been so focussed on what I didn't have. 

I don't want to go back to the pit. It's dark there. 

I am blessed...abundantly blessed. 

If only it hadn't taken me so long to realise it.