This is probably a big no-no for writing, but as I start this post, I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. I just know that I have something niggling away at me and I hope that by writing about it, maybe I'll be able to process it.
A couple of days ago, I saw the news that Jordan Taurima had been killed in a mining accident in Australia. Jordan played for Hautapu, the rugby club I work with. I didn't know him well; I strapped him up a couple of times, but I'm feeling the essence of the tragedy.
This morning, I went onto one of the news websites and the first thing I saw was Jordan's smiling face. As the day went on, I looked at the site a couple more times and each time I noticed that a story that started as a headline moved further and further down the page.
A few hours later, it was pretty hard to find.
I know that's the media; that's how it works, but it stirred something that just made me uneasy.
It made me think back over the last few years to times when I've wondered if the ache ever goes away. And not just my own ache. I've watched friends who have lost husbands, fathers, brothers and I've wondered how they could possibly cope. I think those looking in from the outside expect that the first few days will be the worst - the days when the tragedy is sinking in and the grief is overwhelming. But you know, I think the stage after that is probably worse
the time when the funeral is over
when everyone carries on with their lives
when things continue as normal.
When the story moves further down the page.
Because sometimes, things are so big, that it takes much more than a few days to deal with it. Grief doesn't go away just because you've said your goodbyes, you've accepted the disappointment, you've tried to see what the future will look like.
And that's what's been niggling away at me today...and I don't really know how to process this. What am I trying to say? That we need to be more sympathetic with people for a longer time? No, I don't think that's it. That we should hold on and stay in the grieving period and accept that it's never going to get better? That's not it either. Life goes on? That's definitely not my point.
I think I just struggle with the times when the story has moved down the page and you keep trying to look for it, trying to bring it to mind, trying to think of the memories, feeling guilty if you can't see the smiling picture for a moment.
Maybe my point is just that it's difficult, that going through the stages of grief is necessary but it's tough and no one looking in on you really understands. No one can tell you how you should feel.
I guess the thing I really want to say is that those of you who really knew Jordan, I hope you can and will see light and hope, that you will know that when his story moves further down the page, he won't be forgotten, that while his death will be mourned, his life will be celebrated.
Here's that smile
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